Christians are straight up FREAKS
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
