I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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