Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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