Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
