I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize