I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
