You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
