Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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