Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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