She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
