you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
