we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
