I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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