She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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