how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
