i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
