Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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