how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
