i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
