you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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