bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
