i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
