The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
