Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
