Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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