Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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