He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize