i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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