hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
