i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
