wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
