Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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