Someone shit on the floor
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
