"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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