It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
