Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
