peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
