More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
