when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize