Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
