i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
