the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
