This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
