I puked a lego.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
