He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
