if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
