It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize