I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A bitchslap is in order.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
