Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
