i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
