he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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