Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
