this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
