If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
vagina is talking i cant
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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