That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize