my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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