are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
