Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize