Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
