i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
