PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize