I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
