I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
