dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
