Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
