i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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