But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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