its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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