I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
