You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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