That's intense
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
