If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
