I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
