can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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