I didn't shave. On purpose
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
