I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
