My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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