if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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