vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
