It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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