I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
