Will you blow on my dice?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
