She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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