if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
